Make Room for Fanny

Fanny packs have long been heralded as front butt purses for the matronly or those "vacationing" at Disney World.  While I understand this, I think it's a crime against fashion, humanity, and people with poor posture that purses should only hang from straps around one shoulder... or worse yet, in a seat belt fashion whereby cleavage chaffing becomes a sad, unnecessary reality.  So I welcome the fanny pack, and all of its cultural baggage.  I welcome the ability to run, jump, and sit at bars alone without having to worry about my purse.  Much like in a tampon commercial, with a fanny pack I can do everything and then some.

But what if you don't have a fanny pack?  I found myself in this situation over the holiday break at my parents' house and I knew I had to do something fast.  After countless nights of having to switch my purse from one shoulder to the other I caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror of the local 4 a.m. bar, and thought "who are you?"  So I went through my sister's closet to find out.  I didn't find myself, but I did find a belt and a wallet; and so it began.

Fanny packs are really pretty simple, and the only supplies you need are a belt (preferably one that is meant to go around your waist, but if not, look forward to the next three hours of making belt holes with a steak knife, push pins and some band aids), a wallet or small clutch, scissors, and some pizza (if it's 4:15 in the morning and you have an urge to craft but don't want to be too hung over to debut your fanny pack the next night I suggest at least half a frozen pizza).

Supplies. This might be all you ever need in life.

The first step is to cut two slits in the back of the wallet where the belt will slide through.  Make sure that they slits are large enough for the belt to fit, yet not so large that your fanny pack items will fall out.  Also, if you have a wallet that you really like, I would not suggest using it as you will feel some regret after cutting it open.  This is normal.

Do this on both sides.

Then all you need to do is slip the belt through, with the nice side facing out.  Check to make sure that the holes are where you want them.  Maybe you want different levels of tightness for various outfits - tighter for dresses, looser for jeans, medium for pajamas.  Whatever you need to do to feel comfortable in your fanny, now is the time to do it.

Belt is going in.

And now you've got a brand new fanny pack! You can wear it everywhere and make all of your friends jealous... and then make them one (lots of people have January birthdays and are sad about it - a fanny pack would brighten anyone's spirits about an unfortunate birthday date and make a great gift).

There's a new fanny pack on the block!

Enjoy your new fanny pack and all of the shoulder-free fun you will have with it.  Just remember to take it off before you shower.