Mod Podge, Oh My Godge!

I recently was invited to a very prestigious crafting event at a good friend's apartment. A select group of 20-something white women from all walks of life - from the gainfully employed to grad students - all came together, putting differences in decorating sensibilities aside, and Mod Podged. We glued paper to canvas and created inspired canvases filled with paper. The crafting event was a time of building woman-to-woman relationships, discussing careers, and wondering when men of marriageable ages would return our texts. In short, it was Sex In the City meets Girls meets Oprah meets Oprah's Favorite Things meets Oprah's Book Club, with an emphasis on crafting.

Mod Podge adheres more than just paper to canvas... it is the glue that holds friendships together, and cat hair to the floor. But you might be wondering, how do I Mod Podge a canvas, and can I do it alone? The answer is I'll tell you and yes, but it's sad.

The first thing you need for Mod Podge crafting is Mod Podge. It's a large container of glue that you can find in any craft store, Target, Walmart, or best friend's apartment. You will also need something to spread the glue with, this can be a paint brush or a foam brush or a napkin - but probably the first two.




Photo from a legitimate crafting blog

I normally use the Matte finish because it's easier to tell when it's dry, and being from the midwest I don't like too much shine. Additionally, you will need small canvases and magazines or different types of colorful paper.







Photos from Wikipedia and baby blog, lilsugar.com. Babies love paper.

So that's really all you need. And maybe some paint and scissors. And a couple bottles of wine. The next thing to do is find your inspiration. This can be found on TV, the Internet, books, and Starbucks. Once you have an inspired theme, go with it! Start cutting out photos in magazines... maybe you want celebrities posing with Muppets or food animals, I know I did.

Then go ahead and lay out your design BEFORE Mod Podging to the canvas. It is important to remember the before part. I've overestimated my crafting abilities in the past, only to be left with tearful voicemail trails to my mother that end in her telling me "an artist can always fix her mistakes." Can she really?

Once you've determined the layout of your canvas, remove the paper in segments and brush on Mod Podge. Then place the paper back on top of the Mod Podged area, and spread more over top of it to seal it in. You might also consider painting on your canvas and using three dimensional paper shapes for added flair. Be sure to allow enough time for drying (about one Lifetime movie). Here are some examples of what you can expect to create:




The flowers really pop, while adding words really forces people to look at your work. Nice.




This is a man board to remind straight women of what to hold out for. Note the wine in hand, this moves the creative process along nicely.




A smattering of artful canvases. You'll want to enlarge this photo for more detail.

You can hang your art in your home, your office, or gift them to friends and family who understand that handmade gifts are priceless (i.e. your mom or grandma). Happy crafting!!

Holidaying

Christmas is a time of love (actually), family (stone), and little women (turns out most people don't really gain that much weight during the holidays, it's in the suicide-inducing weeks following Christmas that people tend to stress eat, so no worries there). One of the best ways to get in the holiday/ Christmas spirit besides watching original movies on the Hallmark Channel is to decorate. And one of the best ways to decorate is to flip through a December issue of Martha, pour yourself a mug of Trader Joe's holiday ale, text your college weed dealer, head back to Trader Joes for another bottle of ale because your college weed dealer has a real job now, set up a Twitter account for your grandma, and wake up the next morning feeling guilty. Now you're ready to decorate.

Guilt is an integral part of the Christmas season. Without guilt there would be no reason for church, without church, there would be no reason for Jesus, and without Jesus there would be no reason for the season. It's all a part of the Christmas cycle of life. I'm not sure how it works for other religious winter holidays, but I'm guessing it's similar.

Let's start with the decorations your mom mailed you. Anything with an embroidered rocking horse or jack-in-the-box should go up first, to remind you of what this season is all about. Next, place any warm cinnamon, fiery pine, or burnt cookie scented candles in the kitchen, bathroom, and living room so your home smells like a sweet, elf cookie-factory cabin in the middle of the forest that is about to go up in flames. People love that.




Gift wrapping is another issue that we all have to deal with, some of us handle it better than others. I fall into The Others camp (obviously Nicole Kidman plays me in this 2001 horror-film version of my life). Wrapping has always been a struggle for me, and at special holiday times I don't want people to see me struggle. So I use gift bags that I save throughout the year. The only thing to remember here is to remove the name tag, and/or rewrite the name on the tag so it looks like the new gift recipient's name. For example, you can change "Kelly" to "Keviy" quite easily, and in the process your boyfriend gets a new nickname! It's two gifts in one.







I hope these little tips help send you on your way this holiday season. And, in the wise words of Sufjan Stevens, "No one can save you from Christmases past... if drinking makes it easy, the music's kinda cheesy." This was taken out of context, but I think we all understand what he means.
Merry Christmas/ holidays!

Rosey Glow like J.Lo Yo

When I imagine my face in the morning, I feel that I look something like this:

Dewey, fresh, and singing something auto-tuned.  But it's not, I really look more like this:

 
Scared, muppety, and wondering why I married Russell Brand.  Phew... that last part was only a nightmare, an international tabloid nightmare.

Anyway, in order to attempt a J.Glow, I have been using rose water as a face toner.  Rose water is great for your mind, body, soul, and close-up self photos taken in your bathroom and uploaded to Pinterest boards entitled "Beauty," "Tresses," and "Someday when I have kids..."  But not just any rose water will do.  It needs to have meaning.  That's why I made mine from the petals of a dried and decayed wedding bouquet I caught in 2008 and kept next to my bedside table to remind myself that one day the "Engaged!?!'" Pinterest Board I have been updating daily for 6 years would achieve it's final purpose.  Things haven't happened yet, but I know that rose water is putting me on that path, (or should I say aisle?...  my mom says probably not if I don't want to scare men away).

Here's how to make your own love potion/adulthood milestone-achievement rose water.  Start with rose petals.  These can be dried (as I mentioned above), or fresh.  If you don't have roses around, no problem, head to your local supermarket and tear some off of the flower arrangements in the floral department.  I find that there are rarely employees in this department, and it is also conveniently located next to the liquor aisle.

Put your rose petals into a glass jar, preferably an old spaghetti sauce jar.  This was preferable for me because I made spaghetti last night.  Next, heat up a cup of water until it's almost boiling.  I'm not sure how long that takes, so I just push 1-1-1 on the microwave.  This way you don't have to move your finger.  It's a win-win.

Now is the tricky part.  Pour the hot water into the jar so that you just cover the rose petals.  The hard part is trying to take a picture of it at the same time.  I would recommend not doing that.

Swirl the water around in the jar and let it stand for a couple of minutes.  Then strain over a thin cloth and pour into another glass jar.  Preferably an old salsa jar.  Again, this worked for me but maybe you have other jars at home, idk.

And there you have it.  You'll need to store this in the fridge and it lasts for about a week.  You may need to label the rose water so as not to confuse it with urine.  Enjoy!

How to Dress Like No One's Watching

Sometimes I wake up feeling fresh and alive, other days I feel thoughtful and dark, but most days I wake up feeling like cereal.  The key to wearing the best outfits everyday is to let your mood dictate your clothes.  Last week I was in Oregon and went to Wabi Sabi, an awesome Japanese store, so I'm still feeling very kawaii (Japanese for extremely cute).  As a cute feeling person, I've been wearing my favorite cute pants:

I got them from my mom who's the best and wore wind-suits well into the 2000's.  Obviously my mom is one of my fashion inspirations.

In addition to dressing like your mood, it is important to have a fashion inspiration who is not on TV or famous.  People who are famous or on TV are generally too tan to be taken seriously, they also have stylists who make guest appearances on shows such as Fashion Police or What Not to Wear.  These are negative people with problems.  That's why I've chosen my mom as my fashion inspiration - she works in a resale shop so she understands that fashion from the elderly has a trickle-up effect.  I would recommend using  either a friend, calendar, or internet sensation for your own fashion inspiration.

The next step towards dressing in the best way possible is to buy used clothes.  I have many ethical and moral reasons for doing this, the main one being that department stores smell like Easy Bake Oven cupcakes - not good.  Resale stores on the other hand have a variety of smells and textures to remind you that life is short and there are many great outfits to be worn.  It also makes you feel better about spending money.  You're probably helping people when you buy clothes at a resale shop, whereas you are probably crushing a teenager's hopes and dreams when you ask him to get you smaller sized neon maxi dress at Wet Seal that you will wear with clogs to a wedding and feel sad in, then donate to a resale shop anyway.  (It's all part of the clothing circle of life).

Another step in realizing your true fashion potential is to think about the clothes you wore when you were a kid, then block out the memories of your leg hair protruding through your stripped tights and Trent Walters pointing it out in the cafeteria, and begin to make new memories with the same great clothes.  That's right - by using your inner child as inspiration for your fashion choices you will begin to see that you have your own fashion voice, and it likes zebras.

Lastly, never dress for other people.  This is especially true when it comes to significant others, i.e. boyfriends.  Boyfriends mean well when they suggest that you wear a tight black t shirt with a short skirt and heels, but they don't understand that looking cute comes from within, and from mixing stripes with patterns.  Trust your partners for advice about flossing and video games, but leave fashion to your inner voice and Pinterest. Jk, only use Pinterest for planning your future wedding and future children's outfits, in which case, let everyone weigh in.

A great outfit in action!

Shroom time

Everyone knows that mushrooms signify love, friendship, fungus, and fall. So that's why these fungal friends are a great way to usher in the autumnal equinox (fall). Whether you are eating them, lighting sweet psychedelic mushroom candles, or just observing them under the tree your dog is peeing on, mushrooms have a special aura that remind us all that cozy things are on the way.

As a crafter I like to celebrate mushrooms via stuffing them... with fiber fill. That's right, mushroom stuffed animals, er, fungus. They're a special stuffed treat that you can't eat. They're great as decorations or just for cuddling on a chilly fall night. I use stuffed mushrooms for both.

See how sophisticated that stuffed mushroom looks in a decorative nook? I'm sure by now you're all wondering how to craft this mycological mystery (mycology is the study of mushrooms, obviously). So let's get started. In terms of supplies you will need fabric, anything will do, an old t-shirt or something fun from the clearance bin at Jo-Ann's. I've chosen to use a mushroom printed material, because we're making a mushroom. You'll also need thread, a needle, scissors and something to stuff with. You can use an old pillow, an aging stuffed animal or buy some fiber fill to avoid destroying anything you might regret when you're sober.

This bag has some really nice dolls on the cover that you might consider crafting as well. The next thing to do is fold the fabric in half with the reverse side facing out. If the design is really crisp and clear after you've folded it, you've probably done it wrong. You want the nice side on the inside. After the folding, take a marker or pen and draw your mushroom. Don't be afraid of making a mistake, mushrooms are not straight lines, and like snowflakes, no two look exactly alike. Once you've done that put a few pins in the the fabric to hold it together and then cut out your mushroom shape! This is one of the most satisfying steps on the road to a stuffed mushroom.

Now thread your needle and start sewing! I find this to be relaxing, but some people don't, so you can always pay someone to complete this step for you. Normally moms will do this for little to no money. Leave a little space before the sewing is complete and flip the mushroom inside out. This is also a satisfying step so you might want to do it yourself. Now begin stuffing the mushroom. When it seems sufficient, sew the space you left open and it's done! You can add eyes and yarn for a personal touch, and so that children will understand that these are not play things.

Happy shrooming!

Leafly

I'm a super creative person, and like most creative people I find inspiration at Ikea.  Whether I'm browsing the Lack table collection or munching on some Swedish meatballs, it feels like anything is possible at Ikea.  One of the hidden gems there is Children's Ikea.  Childless and childful people alike can find cute, colorful nylon things here.  Things that you might be shy about hanging or setting up in your house,but that Ikea makes ok.

A few weeks ago I took my sister to Ikea to celebrate her leaving for Australia by buying stuff for myself.  Maybe it was the clean Scandinavian design or the slight panic that begins to rise when you realize that the only way out of the Ikea maze is through Smaland, but I found myself lingering near a bin of stuffed broccoli in Children's Ikea, not wanting to go any further.  And then I saw what I never knew I needed, but knew I needed right away:  a giant leaf.

Ikea wants you to think that this is only for hanging above baby cribs or to confuse cats, but it's not.  It can also be used to legitimize a mattress on the floor, turning it into a real adult bed.  The look goes from post-college depression to grad school melancholy in the amount of time that it takes to hang the leaf - which is a pretty long time because it didn't come with screws and I don't like to look at the instruction manual until I have exhausted every other option, including crying into my "Kelly" heart pillow.  But once I jumped that hurdle the leaf was up and running.

See?  This bed was made for this leaf.  And the leaf was made for this bed.  It looks extra great because there is a skylight above it that usually wakes us up at 6am, so now we can sleep in until at least 7.  It's changed my life for the better, I don't think that I could go back to sleeping under a leafless canopy.  So thank you Ikea, for making things that look like tents but aren't, and for taking things found in nature and making them look like things found at Ikea.

Dream Big or Go Home

Dream boards are a great way to put your dreams on a board.  And while a lot of people use Pinterest to share their hopes, dreams, and recipes, I recommend having a real life board to pin things on.  Something that you have to look at every day, something hanging on your refrigerator or directly across from your toilet.

When I decided to make my dream board I looked at other dream boards for inspiration - I needed to be inspired to really be inspired.  So here are the dreams that shaped my dreams, the boards that gave me reasons to pin.  It sounds like the beginning of a great social media site, but I don't want to exploit my hopes and dreams that way, they're private, and I don't want anyone copying me.

This is a great example of a classic girl dream board.  It encompasses everything that girls need to remember on a daily basis in order to be girls.  From "pretty" to "flirting" to "love" to "sex", this powerful word sequence is juxtaposed with strong imagers of pudding and an engagement ring.  This definitely gave me a good start, but I still needed to do more inspiration research.

This themed weight loss board is most likely the precursor to thinspiration boards, back before people knew about not eating.  The all caps lettering and interspersed exclamation points along with sporty pics of tan, blonde women really keeps the focus of the board on fighting fat and being confident about fighting fat.  Noted.

This dream board spoke to me, personally, because I am trying to become a professional and need to remind myself of my successful career future so that I can get out of bed before 10am two mornings a week for my internship.  I've also taken some marketing classes, so I know that these words are very important to many text book editors.  By this point I was pretty sure that I was inspired.  Time to make my own dream board!

Because I am fairly crafty I mixed both paper and fabric for a dual material effect.  I then cut out images from  calendars and library books (don't worry I work at the library so it's nbd), and put some drawings I found in my boyfriend's backpack on the board.  This board inspires me to see the beauty of each day and to not get too down on myself when I can't finish crossword puzzles even though my grandma can.  It also reminds to dance like no one's watching and only eat meat if it's hunted down in a forest.

I hope that this inspires you to get inspired - sweet dream(s) boarding!

Wine Not?

Sometimes the perfect nightstand is right under your nose.  In your kitchen.   Holding an empty bottle of wine for decoration.  At least that's how I found an innovative bedside table.  After I realized that I would probably never own a bottle of wine long enough to keep in a wine rack, I decided to put this framework for the fermented to better use.

It took some trial and error to realize that most things (alarm clocks, glasses, tissues, lamps) fall through the slats no matter how good you are at Jenga.  It needed something.  Something flat, and something I had in the recycling bin:  cardboard.

In a stroke of genius I found a crocheted, plastic decorative-type square.  I'm not really sure what its purpose is, so this seemed like a good outlet for it.  The cardboard was miraculously the same size as the crocheted square (you will see that this happens fairly often in crafting - it's like faith, you just have to believe that it will fit).  The next step was to layer the two squares on top of the wine rack - again, there are no wrong answers in crafting, so you can do this however you want, but I chose to put the blue square over the cardboard. 

It's pretty much perfect.  You could also use a tray, notebook, or magazine to achieve this look.  The squares are a little small for the top of this but like I said, if you believe that it fits, it does.  

Pillow Perfect

Airlines used to give out free pillows according to my grandma, so she has plenty to give out as gifts and party favors. I've been the lucky recipient of quite a few and while they make great TV trays, these stuffed rectangular sacks also make beautiful decorative throw pillows.

Sewing is hard, so I don't advise it unless it's absolutely necessary, and even then glue is almost always the better option.  I came across a great little place mat from Ikea, the luxury type that are made out of two separate pieces of material and can cost upwards of $5.  Luckily you only need one, and I happened to have it on my table.

Sew cute, right?  Wrong.  This fabric-cutting cute.  All you need is a sharp-ish steak knife or maybe scissors if you own any.  But don't stress yourself out, you can always use a house key if you can remember which purse or doorknob you left it in.  Once you have the proper tool it's time to crack open a beer or bottle of champagne because this is a house project, so treat it like one.  Then slit the short side of the place mat open - if you make a" mistake" and cut the long side instead, that's ok too.  There are no wrong answers in crafting.  I ripped the seams and left the threads dangling for a post-modern ironic affect, but if that's taking too long you can just cut the fabric.

See?  It looks like a pillow case already.  Because it is.

Now slip the pillow inside and you're done.  There's no need to close up the open end because you might want to take the pillow case off to wash it or use it as a place mat again.  So just leave it as is, it looks great.

This homespun pillow project is sure to add new life to any couch, chair or floor.  Sit back, relax, and prepare for departure... from boring pillow cases that cost money.