Rosey Glow like J.Lo Yo

When I imagine my face in the morning, I feel that I look something like this:

Dewey, fresh, and singing something auto-tuned.  But it's not, I really look more like this:

 
Scared, muppety, and wondering why I married Russell Brand.  Phew... that last part was only a nightmare, an international tabloid nightmare.

Anyway, in order to attempt a J.Glow, I have been using rose water as a face toner.  Rose water is great for your mind, body, soul, and close-up self photos taken in your bathroom and uploaded to Pinterest boards entitled "Beauty," "Tresses," and "Someday when I have kids..."  But not just any rose water will do.  It needs to have meaning.  That's why I made mine from the petals of a dried and decayed wedding bouquet I caught in 2008 and kept next to my bedside table to remind myself that one day the "Engaged!?!'" Pinterest Board I have been updating daily for 6 years would achieve it's final purpose.  Things haven't happened yet, but I know that rose water is putting me on that path, (or should I say aisle?...  my mom says probably not if I don't want to scare men away).

Here's how to make your own love potion/adulthood milestone-achievement rose water.  Start with rose petals.  These can be dried (as I mentioned above), or fresh.  If you don't have roses around, no problem, head to your local supermarket and tear some off of the flower arrangements in the floral department.  I find that there are rarely employees in this department, and it is also conveniently located next to the liquor aisle.

Put your rose petals into a glass jar, preferably an old spaghetti sauce jar.  This was preferable for me because I made spaghetti last night.  Next, heat up a cup of water until it's almost boiling.  I'm not sure how long that takes, so I just push 1-1-1 on the microwave.  This way you don't have to move your finger.  It's a win-win.

Now is the tricky part.  Pour the hot water into the jar so that you just cover the rose petals.  The hard part is trying to take a picture of it at the same time.  I would recommend not doing that.

Swirl the water around in the jar and let it stand for a couple of minutes.  Then strain over a thin cloth and pour into another glass jar.  Preferably an old salsa jar.  Again, this worked for me but maybe you have other jars at home, idk.

And there you have it.  You'll need to store this in the fridge and it lasts for about a week.  You may need to label the rose water so as not to confuse it with urine.  Enjoy!

How to Dress Like No One's Watching

Sometimes I wake up feeling fresh and alive, other days I feel thoughtful and dark, but most days I wake up feeling like cereal.  The key to wearing the best outfits everyday is to let your mood dictate your clothes.  Last week I was in Oregon and went to Wabi Sabi, an awesome Japanese store, so I'm still feeling very kawaii (Japanese for extremely cute).  As a cute feeling person, I've been wearing my favorite cute pants:

I got them from my mom who's the best and wore wind-suits well into the 2000's.  Obviously my mom is one of my fashion inspirations.

In addition to dressing like your mood, it is important to have a fashion inspiration who is not on TV or famous.  People who are famous or on TV are generally too tan to be taken seriously, they also have stylists who make guest appearances on shows such as Fashion Police or What Not to Wear.  These are negative people with problems.  That's why I've chosen my mom as my fashion inspiration - she works in a resale shop so she understands that fashion from the elderly has a trickle-up effect.  I would recommend using  either a friend, calendar, or internet sensation for your own fashion inspiration.

The next step towards dressing in the best way possible is to buy used clothes.  I have many ethical and moral reasons for doing this, the main one being that department stores smell like Easy Bake Oven cupcakes - not good.  Resale stores on the other hand have a variety of smells and textures to remind you that life is short and there are many great outfits to be worn.  It also makes you feel better about spending money.  You're probably helping people when you buy clothes at a resale shop, whereas you are probably crushing a teenager's hopes and dreams when you ask him to get you smaller sized neon maxi dress at Wet Seal that you will wear with clogs to a wedding and feel sad in, then donate to a resale shop anyway.  (It's all part of the clothing circle of life).

Another step in realizing your true fashion potential is to think about the clothes you wore when you were a kid, then block out the memories of your leg hair protruding through your stripped tights and Trent Walters pointing it out in the cafeteria, and begin to make new memories with the same great clothes.  That's right - by using your inner child as inspiration for your fashion choices you will begin to see that you have your own fashion voice, and it likes zebras.

Lastly, never dress for other people.  This is especially true when it comes to significant others, i.e. boyfriends.  Boyfriends mean well when they suggest that you wear a tight black t shirt with a short skirt and heels, but they don't understand that looking cute comes from within, and from mixing stripes with patterns.  Trust your partners for advice about flossing and video games, but leave fashion to your inner voice and Pinterest. Jk, only use Pinterest for planning your future wedding and future children's outfits, in which case, let everyone weigh in.

A great outfit in action!